having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
