I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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