i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
