I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
