You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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