I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
