"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
