It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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