I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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