i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You have to summon your inner elephant
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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