Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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