When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
