I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you traded sex for a burrito?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So apparently I’m into choking now
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