i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
