Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
