I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
