4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
