Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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