y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
