farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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