my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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