I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
