What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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