Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
