Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
