The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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