How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
