Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize