i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
