Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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