Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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