I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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