Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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