She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
