Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
