As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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