I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
