I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
