you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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