You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
