so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I love you.
Bad choice
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
