Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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