he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
