dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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