Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
