I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
