Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
