I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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