I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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