Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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