My sheets look like a crime scene.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
