It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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