she was so not down for the gang bang
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
