walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
