mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
