My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
