I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
