I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
